For Life Page 5

  “I just have to deal with this idiot then I’m all yours, there’s a coffee machine in the room next door, you can wait there if you’d like?”

  “It’s okay. I like to watch you work.” I say as I walk towards a chair on the other side of his desk.

  He smiles darkly at me as I take a seat.

  “Sorry Bob, where was I?” He listens intently and starts making notes in a notepad in front of him. “And while I understand your point, that is my offer and I am sticking with it. Personally I feel like we are being extremely generous with the amount we are-” He gets cut off by Bob and I can see Tad’s grip tighten on the pen.

  “Look, Bob, as far as I can tell you are well and truly up shit creek at the moment and I am the only one offering you a paddle. Now if I’m wrong and you’ve got better paddles being thrown at you then be my guest and go elsewhere.” He stares intently at the paper on his desk. “I’ll wait for your e-mail then. Have a good weekend.” He slams the phone down and exhales loudly.

  “Stressed?” I ask.

  “Not any more than usual.” He looks up at me. “And I’m rapidly feeling better the more I look at you.”

  “Good.” I stand and walk around to his side of the desk before I pull his chair out. As casually as I can manage, I lift one of my legs over his lap and straddle him in his chair. “You’re sexy when you’re mad.” I say softly.

  “And you’re just sexy all the time.” He leans in and softly kisses my lips. As he goes to pull away I can’t resist the urge to grab his head and pull it back in.

  He seems to pull back a little at first, but then suddenly his hands are running through my hair and down my back, sending chills through me.

  “Let’s hurry up and get home.” He pulls back and whispers while kissing my neck.

  “Why wait?” I say as I pull his face to look at mine.

  “Rach, not here!” He laughs.

  “Why not? I can be quiet, Sir.” That one word seems to be all it takes, the smile leaves his face and a look of pure desire covers it instead.

  “Go and lock the door.” He says and it sends a visible shiver through me as his tone changes instantly.

  “Yes, Sir.”

  A little while later as Tad and I are leaving, we walk straight past Hazel. I have made absolutely no effort what so ever to fix my hair, and it definitely has a just been fucked over a desk type vibe. I smile at her as I lean into Tad and can’t help but rest my hand slightly too close to his arse.

  Take that, bitch!

  “What was all that about?” Tad smiles at me as we get into the car waiting for him outside.

  “I really don’t like that Hazel.” I say matter of factly as I clip my seatbelt in.

  “Oh Rach!” He rolls his eyes at me. “I don’t have any actual proof it was her-”

  “Not because of that!” I interrupt. “Well, not entirely anyway. But she called me fat before I came up to see you.”

  “She did what?” He snaps.

  “Well, not fat exactly. She congratulated us on being pregnant. And then really stared at my stomach as if to say oh just fat then when I corrected her.”

  “She is just jealous baby, take no notice.” He grabs my hand off of my lap and gently kisses it. “Um, you’re not though, are you?”

  “What?!” I snatch my hand back and immediately go to cover my stomach. “Thanks Tad. No I’m fucking not.”

  “Oh shit! Not like that! Oh God Rach, please know I don’t think you look pregnant at all!” He tries to grab my hand back but I swipe his away. I know I’m no size eight, but he has never seemed to mind at all before. I try to shut out the memories of Kevin, and how he would seize any opportunity possible to tell me how fat I was, how it looked like I’d put even more weight on.

  “Rachel, look at me.” He grabs my face and gently turns it towards his. “My timing is actually shit, and I’m so sorry. I swear to you, you don’t look pregnant at all, but, well you’ve been feeling ill, mostly in the mornings, and it was something I’d been wondering for a few days. I just literally chose the worst time ever to bring it up. Please forgive me, you know I think you’re beautiful.”

  My initial anger subsides and I give in and let his fingers wrap around mine.

  “Worst timing ever Tad! But no, I’m not. I can’t be, I had my injection-” I try to wrack my brain to remember the last time I had my depo injection. “Uh, I know I had it… Hang on.” I quickly grab my phone from my bag and check the last couple of months in my calendar for an appointment. I suddenly start to feel sick. “Shit.”

  “What’s wrong?” Tad asks.

  “I forgot to have my last injection! It was due in the middle of the court case and I just completely forgot. I meant to book it in, and then just didn’t. Fuck!”

  I turn to look at Tad, expecting his face to mirror the sheer panic on mine. Except he is calm, and half smiling.

  “You had a lot going on babe, it’s understandable you forgot.”

  “Tad, don’t you understand what I’m saying? We have been having unprotected sex for the last two months, a lot of unprotected sex. I could actually be pregnant.”

  “I know.” He grabs my hands. “And if you are, how would you feel?”

  I shake my head as I can’t actually believe he is being so calm about this. Why is he not freaking out? “Uh, I don’t know. We haven’t even really discussed kids. I hadn’t really thought about having another.” His face falls slightly. “Do you want children?”

  “Well, if you’d have asked me that about a year ago, I’d have said absolutely not. I even considered a vasectomy a few years ago. But, well, I love you Rachel. I love Ami and I’ve been thinking recently that maybe a baby of our own would be nice.”

  My face softens and I sit in silence while my brain goes at a million miles per hour. A baby. A baby with Tad.

  I picture Tad holding a tiny little newborn and my heart swells. He is incredible with Ami, and he is an amazing person.

  “We’ll grab a test later.” I say as I lean my head into his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me and kisses me on the head.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Mum!” Ami runs towards me and hugs me tightly. “I missed you!”

  “I missed you too sweetheart. Did you have a good week?” I ask as I grab her bag and then her hand with mine.

  “It was amazing! We went up a mountain, and we were standing in the clouds at the top. Then Dave Brooks kissed Jenny Smith!” She starts laughing to herself. “He got in a lot of trouble for that!” She says candidly. “Where’s Tad?”

  “Oh he had to run to the shops. We only just got back from London.”

  “Ooh, did you have fun?”

  “I did thank you. Tad has a lovely place there, you’d like it.”

  “Can I go one day?”

  “Of course you can. We’ll plan a trip one day soon.”

  Tad

  Ihad absolutely no idea which pregnancy test to buy, who knew there were so many? Ones with pink lines, ones with blue lines. Ones that have crosses instead of lines and ones that are digital! I just got one of each so there was no chance of me getting it wrong!

  I’m pacing the front room waiting for the girls to come back. I’m eager to see Ami after a week away, I have missed her. But I also can’t wait to find out if I’m going to be a dad.

  I hear keys in the door and race into the hallway.

  “Tad!” Ami says as she comes running for a hug.

  “Hey beautiful, how was your trip?” I ask.

  “It was so good. Mum said you had fun in London, and she said I could go to stay at your place there one day.”

  “Yeah, we’ll sort something out soon.” I laugh.

  “I’m hungry, what’s for dinner?” She asks as she walks towards the kitchen.

  “I’m going to order pizza in a bit, is that okay?” Rachel calls to her.

  “Cool. Can I have a snack?”

  “Yes babe.”

  I can hear her rummaging about in the fridge. I w
alk over to the stairs, pick up the bag full of tests and give it to Rachel.

  “Jesus Tad! How many do you think I need?!” She laughs.

  “Well there were so many! And they all looked different, so I just got one of each.” I shrug. She kisses me on the cheek and walks upstairs with the bag.

  “Come up in two minutes, okay?” She says.

  I knock on the bathroom door exactly two minutes since Rachel closed it.

  “Come in.” She calls. I open the door and she is sitting on the toilet with the lid down, staring at a test in her hand.

  “Well?” I say nervously.

  “It’s still flashing.” She points it towards me and I see the image of an egg timer flashing on the little screen. I go to stand next to her and we wait in silence.

  Not Pregnant.

  My heart drops a little and I see Rachel’s shoulders drop.

  “How do you feel?” I ask her.

  “Honestly? Really disappointed.” She says as she looks at me with sad eyes.

  “Me too.” I say as I wrap my arm around her shoulders. She stands and wraps her arms around my waist. “What do you want to do now?” I ask.

  “Well, I want pizza.” She smiles at me.

  “No, I meant about this.”

  “A baby is a big step.” She says.

  “So is marriage and taking on a stepchild.”

  She looks like she is deep in thought.

  “Okay. Let’s have a baby.” She smiles.

  “Really?!” I can’t help but beam at her.

  “Really!” She smiles at me.

  “I love you Rach.” I pick her up and squeeze her tightly.

  How is it possible to be this happy? To have gotten this lucky. I never, ever thought I’d have any of this. I thought I’d live alone, grow old alone, die alone. The thought didn’t bother me one bit. Everything has changed since I met this woman, more than anything, I have changed. I barely recognise the person I used to be. Sex was just sex, and love was a pointless emotion. But now I couldn’t think of anything worse than having to go one day without being able to love this woman, this beautiful, wonderful woman.

  Chapter Six

  Rachel

  Ami is asleep and Tad and I are cuddled on the sofa when I hear a knock at the front door.

  “Who is that?” Tad wonders out loud.

  “Oh shit, Celine called this morning. She seemed very insistent that she came over tonight. Sorry I completely forgot.”

  “Don’t worry about it, I’ll get the door.” He stands and walks towards the door.

  “Hey Tad.” I hear Celine’s voice.

  “Hi Celine, how are you?” Tad asks her.

  “Good thanks.”

  “Rachel’s in there. Can I get you a glass of wine?”

  “No, I’m fine thanks, I’m driving.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever known you to turn down a glass of wine? Are you feeling okay?!” I joke as she comes to sit next to me on the sofa.

  “I have huge news!” She says suddenly.

  “I’m listening.” I say, intrigued.

  “I’m pregnant!” She beams.

  “No way! Oh my God, congratulations!” I hug her tightly.

  “Thanks.” She says as she pulls away. “How are you?”

  “Never mind how I am! How are you?”

  “I’m okay. Shocked. We decided we were going to start trying about a month ago, and now I’m pregnant. Already. I thought it would take ages!”

  “But you’re happy?” I say

  “Yes, I mean, I’m absolutely shitting myself, and Dan didn’t move or speak for about twenty minutes after I told him. But we’re happy.”

  “Oh, I’m so pleased for you!” I hug her tightly again. “We were almost bump buddies.” She pulls back looking confused. “Had a bit of a scare today, realised I didn’t go for my injection a couple of months ago and I’d completely forgotten about it.”

  “How good would that have been though?! Babies at the same time!” She smiles. “How was Tad about it?”

  “Well, he took it far better than me! And we’ve decided that we’re going to try.”

  “Shut the fuck up!!” She half screams at me. “You have to do it now, like get pregnant now! I want to be bump buddies with you!” She grabs hold of my hands and shakes them.

  “Calm down! I haven’t even had a period yet so the hormones obviously aren’t out of my system. But I’m not going back for any more jabs, so we will see.”

  “It happened super fast for us, so you never know!” She smiles. “Plus, the amount of sex you guys have must give you an advantage.” She nudges my arm and we both laugh.

  “Wow, you’re going to be a mummy.” I shake my head softly.

  “I know. I still can’t quite believe it. We thought it was going to take a while, I mean we were still hoping to move before we had kids. But I guess life has other plans.” She shrugs.

  “Babies are small, they don’t take up that much room.” I joke.

  “That’s what I told Dan. It might be a bit squashed for a while but I’m sure we will manage.” I catch her biting her bottom lip, almost anxiously, but she quickly changes the subject. “Anyway, how was London?”

  “It was good, lots of walking, sightseeing, and feeling a bit like a tourist. Tad also set up a meeting with a solicitor to start divorce proceedings.”

  “How was that?” Her eyes narrow.

  “It’s all so complicated.” I exhale loudly. “Someone has to set up a meeting with Kevin to even drop off the divorce papers. Then if they manage to do that, we just have to wait on Kevin.”

  “Ah.” She says.

  “Ah exactly. Everyone else seems to have a much better outlook on the situation, but I suppose you know Kevin almost as well as I do, so…” I trail off.

  “One way or another, it will happen. And at least Tad is supportive.” She smiles kindly at me. “I’d better get back, need to make sure Dan hasn’t done a runner.” She laughs.

  “Okay, well we will do something soon. I can drink wine and you can watch me.” I tease.

  “Oh God. I really don’t know how I’m supposed to last nine whole months with no alcohol.” She scrunches up her face.

  “Just think of the little squishy baby at the end of it. Trust me, it’s all worth it in the end.” My mind wanders back to that first cuddle with Ami, where she wrapped her hand around my finger and clung on like I was her very lifeline. And then my mind wanders to another little baby, with Tad standing next to me, and I can’t wipe the smile from my face.

  I hug Celine tightly at the door as we say goodbye.

  “Feel free to tell Tad, just don’t tell anyone else. I’m only telling you because you’re like my sister. I’m not sure if we’re even telling our parents yet.”

  “Secret is safe with me. Drive safe.”

  I knock on Tad’s office door before I walk in to find him hard at work.

  “Hey baby, everything okay?” He asks while furiously typing on his keyboard.

  “Celine’s pregnant!” I say, and he spins round to look at me.

  “No way! Wow, talk about timing!” He laughs.

  “I know.” I smile as I think about the possibility of us having babies at the same time. “She has only just found out though so she isn’t telling anyone. Well except us! But don’t tell Ami yet.”

  He imitates pulling a zipper across his lips.

  “I won’t be too much longer here gorgeous, why don’t you go and warm the bed up for me?”

  “Okay baby, see you in a bit.” I kiss him on the cheek and head upstairs.

  I open Ami’s door quietly and pop my head round the door. She is sleeping peacefully and I have to resist the urge to walk in and give her a hug. I softly close the door and make my way to bed.

  I check my phone once I am in bed. Nothing. I’m waiting rather impatiently on the divorce lawyer saying that he has arranged to get the divorce petition to Kevin. I’m not sure what I expect to happen once he does get it. I m
ean, I know he isn’t just going to sign it and be done with it. He will fight it, or at least make it as difficult as he possibly can. I just want to know what we need to do next, once that has happened. I can’t deal with the not knowing.

  I put my phone on the side, lay back, and try to take deep breaths.

  Logically, I know that me worrying isn’t going to change anything, well except my mood; and not in a good way. I just know how tough and emotionally draining even simple divorces can be. So I hate to think how this is going to play out.

  I’m woken a little later on by Tad laying down beside me and pulling me into his strong arms.

  “I didn’t mean to wake you, go back to sleep baby.” He whispers while stroking the hair behind my ears.

  I glance at the clock and see it’s almost 3 a.m.

  “You’ve been ages, what were you doing?” I half yawn, sleepily.

  “I just got carried away with something. It’s nothing important. I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

  Too tired to argue, I close my eyes and snuggle into his soft chest.

  I wake to the sound of Tad and Ami laughing from somewhere downstairs. I can smell bacon wafting in the air and it makes my stomach rumble.

  “Morning you two.” They are huddled around the island in the kitchen.

  “Good timing Mum, we made you breakfast.”

  “You did?!” A wave of love for these wonderful people flows through me.

  “Bacon sandwich and coffee.” She smiles at me.

  “Aw thank you both.” I take a sip of my coffee and they are both staring at me. “What’s going on?” I ask.

  “Tad has a surprise!” Ami shouts excitedly.

  “Oh does he now?” I look at him and he is grinning from ear to ear.

  “Well I’ve booked us a little trip.”

  “To Lapland!” Ami squeals so loudly I almost spill my coffee!

  “Oh wow, that sounds amazing!”

  “That’s not the best bit, we are going for Christmas, and Nanny and Gramps are coming too!”

  “Oh Tad, thank you.”

  “No need to thank me babe, just wanted to do something special for you both. You’ve had a hell of a year and you deserve a treat.” My heart swells.